Some say that unless we are perfect, we cannot correct someone else. They cite Matthew 7:5:
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Is this true?
Of course it is true that we must be careful and examine our conscience carefully to be sure we aren't accusing someone of a fault that we ourselves are guilty of. St. John Chrysostom in his commentary on this passage says:
[Jesus'] injunction therefore in these words is as follows, that he who is chargeable with countless evil deeds, should not be a bitter censor of other men's offenses, and especially when these are trifling. He is not overthrowing reproof nor correction, but forbidding men to neglect their own faults, and exult over those of other men.
Examination of conscience is a must before speaking out. But the Lord "is not overthrowing reproof nor correction."
In fact, it's a spiritual work of mercy to admonish the sinner. When we must speak out, we must -- remaining silent because we think we are not perfect (as of course we are not) is pride, because we are putting our own self-assessment over duty.
Msgr. Pope has an excellent article on this subject. I recommend reading it -- it is amply supported by Scripture: Admonish the Sinner – A Reflection on the First Spiritual Work of Mercy
My personal suspicion as to why everyone is so sensitive is that it has to do with broken families which leave everyone in a state of arrested development that is perpetuated then ripples through society. I think marriage forces people to go through that maturation process (somewhat, ha) and when you get divorced you never do the work on yourself--see that in remarriage there is a high likelihood of failure--again, those immaturities were never addressed. Children from broken families are much more sensitive, their development has been interrupted by their parents (mostly unintentional) self-absorption and resulting inevitable emotional neglect. If not corrected then this gets passed on, I think it can be healed and corrected but not if there isn't a problem (Like we tell ourselves with divorce!).
ReplyDeleteIt's probably more complicated then that, but I think about this a lot. Divorce rate is around 90% in my family, it's so sad and hard on everybody.
I don't know if fraternal correction is the answer per se. I've seen fraternal correction so abused in Christian communities and I've seen it be really destructive--abusive even. But actually, let me rethink that, I think fraternal correction is a gift but you have to really to look at all those scriptures that Pope sites and see how St. Paul emphasized the spirit of gentleness and patience when you go to them. I think if you know you are dealing with a person who seems overly reactive or sensitive to criticism you are probably dealing with someone who has been traumatized in some way. It is truly a gift to someone to get good counsel. But if it come from the slightest place of pride or self-righteousness or harshness it will likely do more harm then good.
I think your comments about divorce are correct. Interestingly, when someone says something that is not personal but rather universal, that is when the real criticism starts -- one shouldn't be judgmental and so on. And very quickly it becomes personal -- those attacking the truth-teller immediately volunteer details about themselves.
DeleteYet, the truth-teller wasn't targeting them personally -- merely stating a truth (e.g. "divorce is wrong and not possible").
Msgr. Pope does a good job of explaining why one should persevere...
I think this is valid but I think ppl dislike this point bc the statement tends to arise in the context of rationalizing. For example: person A is criticizing person B for leading a homosexual lifestyle bc it's unbiblical and person B points out person A is divorced and remarried so who is he to judge. At which point person A says i knew you'd throw that in my face no i'm not mother theresa but i don't have to be to make this criticism. at least i'm not a pedophile or terrorist so anyways back to why homosexuality is wrong.
ReplyDeleteYou get the idea.
I think the marriage issue is different from other issues that involve sin on some scale, because marriage is a public, binary act. You are married or you are not, and if you are, it's a public matter.
DeleteSo for instance if I drink and swear and tend to be unkind, and call someone out for a gay lifestyle, it's just "whataboutism" for him to say "well you tend to be mean and drunk." We are all sinners but my issues are not a matter of my state in life.
Whereas if I am divorced and remarried, I am in fact *committing the same sin* -- adultery -- as the person I am criticizing. So I am a hypocrite and have not removed the log from my eye.
And it's a public act -- so you can know about it -- and it's not up for grabs (like, "well, I get tipsy, not drunk and sometimes I'm nice"). It's binary. Either I have done this bad thing and not rectified or I have not.
So it really is something that those committing adultery have to be willing to change and repent over if we are going to tackle homosexual lifestyles. What I'm saying is that we certainly should NOT say "oh, right, you're right -- okay, go ahead with your bad thing."